David Stern Labels Players as ‘Unnecessary’ for Upcoming NBA Season


Unfazed and Confused: Stern tries to order a pizza at press conference

After declining a 100 million dollar concession made by the NBA players union to get NBA lockout talks back on track, David Stern emphasized his belief that NBA players, coaches and training staff really have nothing to do with the game of basketball: “The NBA owners and committee members find superstar athletes and decorated coaches as unnecessary and expensive assets for the 2011-12 season and beyond.”

This statement sent ripples throughout the sports community, as it now appears that Stern has finally and completely lost it. Making matters even worse, upon leaving the failed negotiation talks, Stern mistook Derek Fischer, guard for the LA Lakers and head players Union representative, for a valet attendant and asked an astonished Fischer to “keep her scratch free”.

Now, as we enter the second day of the lockout, it remains to be seen how Stern will run his fragmented basketball empire. Without players and coaches, only one option remains: suits will have to suit up.

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