Shaun White is a National Treasure


Amidst the NFL and MBL trades that have dominated sports headlines this week, ESPN’s full-scale coverage of the X-Games has gone relatively unnoticed. That was until Shaun White, aka the Ginja Ninja, dropped in on the vert ramp.

Sure, White is a beast on a snowboard, winning back-to-back Olympic gold medals (2006, 2010) in the Men’s Half pipe to go along with 11 X-Game Golds. In the previous Olympic half-pipe competition, his ridiculous power and vertical height distanced him from the other competition, and after he threw down the double mctwist, it was all over:

USA, baby! We need to create more snowboarding events just so White can go all Phelps on Canada and those inscrutable northern Europeans. In the US we call long distance cross country skiing and firing a rifle “hunting”. You don’t see Nugent asking for a gold medal.

But apparently the venue or surface doesn’t matter. Just give Shaun White a board and he will kill it. This weekend, he showed his board versatility, this time on the Men’s Vert competition. Like his domination of the snowboard half-pipe, White was just going bigger, and hitting the toughest of tricks. In this last run, he overcame Pierre Luc Gagnon, a rival french Canadian looking for a four-pete in the men’s vert.

Behind PLG by a few points, White had one minute left to put together a flawless run and wow the judges. That’s when the Ginja Ninja dropped in on thisĀ epic run that drew the praise of Mr. Tony Hawk, and brought glory back to USA skateboarding:

That last one is was a healflip-variable-front-side-540, or as Tony Hawk put it “healflipinversitdehahshoooooooooooooooohhhhhh”. It defies physics. His body’s going one way, his board flips the other way and magically it somehow appears below his feet for a perfect landing. That trick was the icing on the cake. It put him over the top, and helped White steal gold for the USA. Shaun White is a national treasure.

For his next trick, Shaun White will be dressing as a bald eagle and jumping the debt ceiling this Tuesday. While it won’t help our nation from avoiding an inevitable ratings downgrade or economic stagnation, it will help to remind Americans of how out of control our balance sheet has gotten. Save us Shaun White.

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The Greatest Show on Turf Returns


By now you’ve all heard the good news. The NFL is back! Sure we’re 5 days away from going into default as a nation, but at least we got the greatest show on turf back. As our country descends into destitution, football will be there to remind us that if CEOs and primadona super-stars can reach a financial agreement, the US sure-as-shit better follow suit. I’m talking to you John Boehner, you carrot colored, assclown.

Now that the NFL is back, a whirlwind of trades, acquisitions and cuts have occurred to simply get the game up to speed and make up for lost time. Analysts can finally talk about the game, instead of talking about the monetary one. Rookies can start training with coaches and learn the plays that have alluded them the past 150 plus days.

But the true winners in all this are the fans. Sure we got played for months, but unlike the NBA, the season remains intact and no more of this nonsense for another 10 years (when the current CBA expires). Its back to screaming at the TV, making nachos and pointing to our jerseys when our favorite player does something big. Sunday is once again my favorite day of the week (sorry Jebus, but I pray to a higher power: Bill Belichick).

And for us Fantasy football fanatics, we can breath a sigh of relief. There will be another chance to trash-talk you friends and lose 50 dollars you know you would have blown on beer. Rotowire now occupies our smartphone screens. All is right in the pig-skin universe.

So when I saw this Clay Matthews commercial about “Blowing Up Plays” on Espn last night, I had to share it with y’all:

This just cracks me up and speaks to the awesomeness that is profession FOOTBALL. Just take Matthews, a guy who is basically a viking (probably a third generation Swede that came to the midwest and bulked up on some American corn and steroid filled red-meat) and tear him loose on players/inanimate objects–whatever. It makes for great TV. “You see how that offense is trying to fool us!”