Top Ten Reasons to Hate David Stern

Well it’s pretty much official. Bye, bye regular NBA season. Most likely, bye, bye any kind of season at all. David Stern doesn’t want you to have professional basketball.

Sure, he’ll be fine (see Reason #6) he’s done this before (see Reason #3). Much like the GOPs prospect for 2011, he wants the NBA to fail, so next year he can swoop in, pick up the broken pieces, and charge more to put them back together (TARP-TARP-TARP). Screw the fans, screw the players and employees, Gordon Gecko aint got shit on David Stern.

And for that, we salute you (kind of). Here’s a toast to the douchebags…Top Ten Reasons to Hate David Stern:

Reason #10:

Because he went to an Ivy-League Law School (Columbia)…what a dick.

Reason #9:

Because he supported moving The Seattle SuperSonics to Oklahoma city. One of the largest markets to the smallest. A storied franchise crumbles for reasons fans cannot believe. He did have a buddy on the OKC board tho…

Reason #8:

Because of the “Envelope-gate” 1985 Draft. His “random” method of drawing 7 last place teams out of a tumbler was exposed when the first pick of the draft became lodged in a corner and the NY Knicks (the team with the largest market) “miraculously” got #1. Basketball is a business, people?

Reason #7:

Because he’s only receiving “one dollar” as a salary this year to help with the lockout. That’s one dollar more than he’s worth.

Reason #6:

Because Stern earned and estimated $23 million dollars last season (and that’s just on the books). Again see Reason #7.

Reason #5:

Because the Lakers have finally started to suck, and yet Kobe gets another year to rest up his knee while the Celtics start their own shuffleboard league. I guess this is a rebuilding year…

Reason #4:

Because Stern was directly responsible for the expansion of 7 teams (Hornets, Timberwolves, Raptors, Bobcats, Grizzlies, Magic and Heat), the first four of which are still “hemorrhaging” money and are a large¬†reason why owners are demanding more money (to recoup their losses). This is simple greed, expanding into market when times were good, then putting the squeeze on employees when their portfolios dip. Sound like anything else happening with unions, say in the midwest…

Reason #3:

Because this is the fourth time an NBA lockout has happened under his watch. Yes, fourth: 95, 96, 98-99 and 2011-present.. In 16 years. That’s means that 25% of the time, under Stern’s watchful eye, there wasn’t an NBA season. Great business management. Usually when you don’t get your work in/create a product, you get the axe. He got a salary bump each time.

Reason #2:

Because he’s a dirty liar. Stephen A Smith looks ready to punch him (now that would make for one hell of an interview):

Reason #1:

Because we love this sport and David Stern does not. America needs basketball in this recession, not talks of how to divide billions of dollars up between people who already have way more than their fair share.

Since when is a sport a business, anyway? I mean jebus, you give me 100 million and say invest this prudently, and you think I’m going to put my long-term investment into a business where the durability of a 7-foot man’s knee is the difference between profit and losses? Hell no.¬†Click here to read a very interesting article about the “Psychic Benefits” of owning a sports team on Grantland.

Maybe these owners and Stern are just bad at what they do. Maybe it’s time for some young blood and a new approach to the business side of the NBA. In countries around the world, the game is becoming more and more popular (1.4 billion people in China are down). If anything, this should be an expansion year, with 8-12 regular season games being played worldwide to expand the product and viewer base.

I’d like to say this is about the 99% vs. the 1%, but it isn’t. I’m sure you can bet that most NBA players prefer a flat tax or 9-9-9, but that might just be because of Herman Cain’s hilarious video:

Still, they deserve a (more than) fair break, and that’s what this is about. They put their bodies and livelihoods on the court, while the NBA execs sit in luxury boxes and mull their bottom line. To the owners it’s just a game. To players it’s everything. I guess my point is: don’t hate the player(s), hate the game.


Punching the Walrus

In case you missed this one, here’s LeSean McCoy punching coach Andy Reid in his blubbery gut once the game was sealed: